Layer/Cake (or Dessert in the Desert).

This was posted on one of my favorite tumblrs this morning... It used to be one of my favorite songs, which speaks to where I was way back when. It reminded me of college, and of being twenty two and listening to melancholy alternative music in my kitchen while I did or did not do this dishes. 

This am: newly purchased men's James Perse sweatshirt,
Bright Eyes CD circa '04, coffee, 90210 reruns.

This lyrical reminder then led to a short hunt for my CD collection, and a trip back in time with my Bright Eyes CD collection. Which is funny, because as much as I love the music, it can't help but bring me right back to 22, and make me feel that same sense of uneasiness. 

It reminds me of all the layers and all the lifetimes I feel I have, that music has, that humans have, that Tuesday mornings have. 

That our synapses and senses and hearts and emotions give us the ability to have.
No wonder I had to stop listening to it on the regular. Makes me think too much.
I've been stressed lately about things juuuuuuuuust out of my control.
Though, other than that total lack of control, everything else is going well. M is good. Mmm mmm good.

Even with the heat, the crowd was Cool.

Watching two of my very favorite people get married this weekend was wonderful, to see their love come full circle has been an amazing sight to see. On our way to Palm Springs (in an unexpected turn of events, M drove out there with me, and we had our first - as Bridget Jones would say - mini break together), but on our way to Palm Springs, I was explaining to him how I came to know my Flame Haired Favorite, and it was amazing to be able to tell him that this couple, that they are the 'Real Deal'.  Their wedding was beautiful, and their wedding was also really Cool - a fashionable, edgier crowd than your normal run of the mill wedding crowds. Succulents and short ceremonies, a sweet champagne signature cocktail and a beautiful bride and groom; they are in love, and they are happy, and they are the perfect complement to one another. 

Congrats you guys. I love you.

Don't skip dessert.

I had a lot on my mind, and even though I was trying to relax over the weekend, I was ridden with a large amount of anxiety, coupled with the heat, and a in-progress attempt to curb my champagne intake on a larger scale; but even with all that, I was over the moon to see such a perfect couple celebrate their absolute perfection for one another. You know, I've oft wondered between all the on-paper 'lists' of 'what' I 'think' I want, and the reality of chemistry and timing, and my tendency to be so black and white, and my general fear  on being unlovable, and the myriad of other fears and strengths I have: I have often wondered when - or if - I would find someone who learned to know me - fears, strengths, weakness, pride and all - and love me for all that and more. ...And more being the stuff that I am not readily able to see about myself; the things that I do not even perceive, or the things that I do & secretly hope that no one notices. Not only have I wondered when/if I would find that, there is an other layer to what I am looking for entirely. The layer that knows and learns these things about me, and then in turn, complements them. Someone that knows my weakness, my fears and anxieties, and pushes me to strengthen myself, work towards overcoming my fears and anxieties, and, ultimately, brings out the best in me.
And most importantly, atop this layer, from my vantage point, is the part where I do the same for him.
The rest, the in-between, well, that's just frosting.
And ya know? I know that my friends - my beautiful Flame Haired Favorite, and her husband...
They have those layers.
They have the frosting.
They have their cake.
And they damn well get to eat it, too.

Now I gotta turn off this damn CD (well, now, it's in my iTunes! I'm so techy!) and get my ass out of the house. Though, to be fair, I like my studio right now - I've picked up some succulents and sunflowers and its clean. Me and Kat are just hangin'.