(Two) Cents & Sensibility

As a kid, we're told not to run with scissors. To hold hands with a grown up when we cross the street. To never talk to strangers. To say no to drugs.
Well, as adults the content may change a little... but the bits of advice & good rules of thumb are still rolling in...
So here are some of my favorite bits of wisdom (and my own lackthereof):

My Mother: Never date anyone with better hair than you. 
Well, that counts quite a few out.

Howard, the blue eye'd old man at the coffee shop: Ah, a baseball player? Ask what position he plays. You should never date an outfeilder; they're brutish and dumb. Stick with the basemen, they're team players.


I don't think this was the type of base running
Howard was talking about.

Anonymous: Love is the most potent cause of anxiety and also the most difficult to face.
You think?!

My Mom: When you're breaking up with someone, don't say maybe in time - you have to break up with them and not give them hope for the relationship working in the future, otherwise they won't give it up.
So what you're saying is, my faking a pregnacy with an ex to break up with the South African was a good idea, right?!

My Dad: Girls, just don't get married before you're thirty. 
Well, Dad, I don't think you have to worry about that one.

My Mother, told to my sisters and I while watching "Pretty Woman" as teens: Just remember girls, prostitution is never an option.
Gooooood to know.

My Mother's Good Friend: A Man is not A Plan.
And I say, for the unplanned man, there is always Plan B.

My Mother (Again): Men want to be every woman's first love; women want to be every man's last. We want to believe that they will never get over us.
Wait! Does that mean some of them do? Not possible.

Howard, again: Never date a Boob-Man. I mean, how shallow are these guys who think they just want one type of woman physically?! Stupid men don't realize the long term appeal of an inteligent woman!
Luckily, I never have to worry about being fallen for by a Boob-Man.
Or an Ass-Man for that matter.

My Mother: Sometimes we put up walls to love when we should be breaking them down. Take down the walls, put up silk curtains instead. Yougotmethere.

Me: Oh god, I must be ovulating. All I see are hot men everywhere. No really, I do.

My mom, in response to my teenage declaration of virginity until marriage: Well, dear, I think you should probably taste-test the ice cream before you commit to the whole quart.
Noted. In Sharpie, apparently.

I guess you could say I'm just taste-testing the flavors.

the Neighboring Shopgirl: Beware of accents. I married an accent.
I am forwarned, and will not heed your advice.

My Dad: Put a guitar in any man's hands, and he's instantly better looking. Or keys to a Porsche.

Dr. Suess: You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Is that why I've been sleeping so well? Damn.

Anonymous: The worst thing you can possibly do is worry about what you could have done. Eek.


Client's mother:  He'll be back. They all come back.
Doubtful, but thanks for the tiniest sliver of hope, lady.

My Godmother: Women can have a male friend, and then one day - Boom! You're attracted to him. Men, cannot, they have to be attracted instantly - if they're not attracted right away, they never will be.
Or, one day, you have a couple glasses of wine and he pulls out a guitar - Boom! Oops.