Sparked. (Or, At Least, What Lit the Fire Under My Ass.)

No longer back up against a wall.
I faced it head on.

So Apt F & I are no longer playing House (er... 'Apartment', I guess). And although several factors went into my decision to wake him up at 11:30 at night, rip off the proverbial bandaid & tell him I'm sorry, I'm done, there is one specific event that sparked it. And it wasn't his actions, it wasn't anything he could help. You see, when over the Christmas Break & I had been thisclose to breaking it off, I - out of spite, I admit - reactivated my online dating profile. I didn't email anyone, or respond to any emails, but there it sat - activated for about a week.
When I finally checked my messages, I had one that really - well, it really got to me. It gave me chills. I read it and reread it and then I just... Well, read it.

Jan 1, 2011 – 11:17am

Good morning. And I must say Happy New Year as well. It's a good day. The sun shines. The birds chirp. Some good music in the background. Perfection. I hope your night was amazing last night. I actually went to a great wine bar near me that you probably would have salivated for. My friend knows one of the bartenders and we escaped with food and a plethora great wines for a mear $35. TOTAL, not individually. And to incite your taste buds, they had the most intense grilled cheese with tomato confit. It was topped with the most intense cheese and then they bake it!!! Like whoa. I had to tell you about that... Because I think I may be dreaming about it for awhile.

Anyways long story longer, I have to say I came to realize this girl and I actually are pretty damn similar. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, but it was enough to make me want to write to you. I was hit with a crux of emotions viewing your profile. Some inspiration, excitement, determination, motivation and maybe a tad bit envious with jealousy. All that from a quick profile from Bay area transplant whose quirks seem to outmatch even me. Footnotes: See jealousy. See duel.

There is something more in you, not just because she has a pair of the deepest eyes this side of Venus and smile that parts her cheeks like Moses did the red sea. It's something bigger. I liked recognizing that immediately. It's easy to see, if you care to look. And I feel the need to explore the goodness. Open up some of those doors to your mind. Do you ever get that feeling? Where you open up one little door. You walk in like it's nobody's business except your own. And maybe you aren't suppose to be there, but you are. No one else is there and it wasn't locked, but you like what you see, gander around at another door and are like fuck it, let's do this... I like your doors. I want to open up another one of yours, or a thousand. I felt like I wanted to know your love, your loss and your light. I want to know the secrets. I want to know what is happening inside that pretty head with that somewhat sneaky smile. I want to know what it takes to make you smile. And not just a regular run-of-the-mill smile. No, no, no! One that illuminates your entire existence. One that makes the world better.

Alright Miss Venti Iced Coffee Girl in the Volvo... Probably FAR too intense for this site and an introductory email. But like I said, I felt inspired by you... I had a hunch. You're good enough to be worth the time. I'd love to hear back from this cute volvo driving girl. Maybe we can grab some wine, cupcakes or tacos some time... I'm hoping all three to be honest.

Take care and Happy New Year (again)

There's the Spark.
Maybe not with this particular guy, but that - in a single email - reminded me that I can,
and will, have the Spark.

In that instant, I realized,

I want to feel just like that.

I want someone who makes me feel like this email from a stranger did.
Wants to open my doors, and inspires me the want to open theirs.

Sidenote: Why, oh why! does the above Grilled Cheese Lover have to be 5'7''!!???