Fate Ain't Gun-Shy.

I am constantly wondering...
How many times have I dodged a bullet without even knowing a gun was shot?

What if... I had not gone
back in for my umbrella?

I think about this all the time; how the littlest moment, decision or motion so subtly creates the path our lives take.

Would my day be different today if I hadn't gotten up early to go to the DMV? If I had taken another route to the DMV? If I had left my house to go to work at 8:59 and not 9:06?

Probably not, but the reality is - I really don't know. I never will.

Like Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. She just missed the train.

I remember once, as a kid, driving on the I-5 with my family to or from Disneyland, and we had stopped to eat. Once we got back in the car, and drove a little longer we came upon an accident. A big, terrible accident. I remember an emergency helicopter.
And I remember thinking to myself,

That could have just as easily been us. If we hadn't stopped at that precise moment to eat, that could have been us.

The idea that every step I have ever taken, wrong right turn or back-way shortcut I have ever taken, has led me to where I am standing today. Literally. I am consumed by this idea right now. Because, its a scary thought; that our life is like a series of dots - like pointillism - that create a big picture.

Tiny maneuverings in this huge world that make up a whole life.

Most of the time I feel like I am the one in control, the one with my hand on the trigger.

And then, Bang! I am reminded time & time again that I'm not the one holding the gun.

I'm just trying to dodge its bullets the best I can.

What if... 
Cinderella hadn't lost her slipper in the first place?

Sidenotes: Apt F and I are doing fine. Like old married people who have their own lives too. Nothing really to report. The Doctor and Goldi are meeting one another's parents. Its Winter & everyone is sort of hibernating. I am going home for Christmas, which should prove to be interesting. I am obsessively listening to Florence + the Machine's newest album; I feel like she and I speak the same language. If you're so inclined, YouTube 'If Only for a Night' by them, it is perhaps my very favorite song ever - though it makes me cry.