Brie Tastes Pretty Good By Itself, Now That You Bring It Up.

I want to be uplifted.
Like Helium.

Call me crazy.
Call me needy.
Call me the anti-cheese, if you really want to.
But I just realized my second biggest issue in this relationship is: Is that I still feel alone.
I was just tucking myself in after my shows - and Apt F has been asleep for, oh an hour. And, at 9:56 I actually congratulated him on staying up so late. (I usually lay here for plusorminus 4 hours by myself, as he falls asleep at eight. I fall asleep at... Midnight.)
And everytime we go out, or spend a day together, he either threatens (in a very benign way) or does in fact leave me to hang out with 'The Boys'. (They are escaping they're wives, dontchaknow.) So not only am I unsatisfied with the relationship as a whole; I am being treated like a Wife (of his friends, who needs escaping). I was at drinks with Goldi and Dr., and I was retelling a situation with one his friends & their wife; it was a situation that was so inexcusable, yet so 'normal' in Apt F's circle, that we were all disgusted.
The Doctor was near tears, and said under his breath something to the effect of, 'If that's how his friends are in marriages, you have to understand the same goes for him.' (Drastic statement but not wrong.)
 And then Goldi joked, 'If you ever did that to me I'd cut your dick off.'
To which the Doctor responded, 'If I ever did that, I'd hand you the knife.'
(Just to make it clear: The story was basically about the 'Escaping the Wives Syndrome' that has run rampant in Apt F's circle, and the fact that one of the afflicted was "unable" to make it to see his infant daughter in the NICU on a daily basis, but could meet for beers 3 times a week with the F.)  So I may not be be able to be alone, but I am most certainly not happy in a relationship that makes me feel alone when I'm in the exact same breath - feeling smothered. Feeling as though every boundary I have has been squashed. I feel alone in a relationship. And as someone who hates being alone, the only worse thing there is is: Being alone while... Supposedly not being alone.
I actually had to say to him this past Friday, after he and I agreed to just grab dinner & lay low, after we ran into his friends who asked us both to stay out and I declined, after he told me that he'd probably stay out 'cuz, you know, they're just trying to get away from the wives'; I simply said,

I'm sorry, but, I'm not your wife. You shouldn't be trying to escape me.

I love my Girls Nights, I love being with my friends. I could hang out with a girlfriend each and every night of the week, and come back to my apartment, single - and on a dating site - and be okay. I may or may not have some nevermetntionedinmyblog European and/or Canadian to call (cough cough - the Englishman) if I felt the need.
What I don't need?
Is to feel bogged down by an unfufilling relationship that I see going nowhere that I still (still!) feel alone within the confines of.
I feel confined.
Which is worse than alone.
Confined is what I felt with The Ex of 5 Years.
Trapped.
(Like a mouse trap! With Cheese!!!! Wait, who is the mouse? Eh, nevermind.)
I may not be the Cheese, the grande fromage, the solo artist, the Kisses on the Bottom Paul McCartney or even the Yesterday PC (he was still in the band!) but I'd certainly rather be alone and have the license to replace my drummer than feel alone and hate my bassist. Or  farmer.
(I know, I'm mixing metaphors. Thats what I do.)

I'm a fucking walking talking mixed metaphor.

It's okay though, it was an answer on Jeopardy tonight.
And! And! And!
That is certainly better than a walking, talking mixed-up meta whore.