Oh, hello. Long time no talk.
I'm bleaching my teeth - the intensive two hour kind - after just finished ridding my hair of its silvery grays and dying my skin to match the Summer months.
After this, I'm shellacking my nails and then probably going for a walk.
All of this is not exciting, and my life in the last couple months has been the same. But not for lack of Happy, or lack of Love or anything - just for lack of Inspiration. Sometimes I reread old posts, much like I'm my own biggest stalker on Facebook or Instagram, and I am overwhelmed by the ups and downs, the uncertainty, and the absolute belief I had in deservedness and change.
And, I'm happy to report, I was right.
My tumultuous late twenties, my Saturn's Return, they were marked by what nows and well when then?! My thirties may have started with a Bang! but since then, they've been a beautiful dull roar of contentment and care - with regards to myself and my relationships.
And now, sitting on my unmade bed years later, at Thirty One, I am an incredibly different person than when I started this project over two years ago while sitting on an entirely different made bed, in a different house, in a different town. Everything was so different. And, though I am constantly growing and changing still, the reality is... That my reality looks nothing like it did way back when I started all this, while dating the Australian or even as I was in the throws of a now relatively unimportant yet wildly exciting affair with the Dutchman, and even further away is my life from my time spent with Apartment F.
All of these experiences and those old posts, though they may have shaped me, now feel foreign (and some of them were.)
The way that a song will take you back to a period of time long forgotten, to a car ride long ago.
I no longer feel the need to dissect every misstep, as I have fewer now, and the growth and change that I have experienced with Jim, now, feel like they're 'ours' and ours alone.
I no longer seek out the crowds as a form of validation.
To be honest, if I was still writing here, you'd be sick of it just as we all got sick of the shit I dealt with with Apt F, because it would mostly be me trying to talk myself down from my hopes of a proposal.
And talking about how happy I am.
How happy we are.
I am happy.
And, I am happy I have you - all of you.
The End.
