My Australian, the Gentleman.

We never see eachother... Maybe if we lived closer....

 Maybe if I had another job...

I like you...

I like you...

I can't invest anymore emotionally in something that just isn't working.

I came over early so you wouldn't be all dressed and ready and then...

He left with a kiss, and a goodbye.
So the Aussie and I are no longer seeing one another.
It was actually a very sweet break up, initiated by him but something I had been struggling with as well.
I have since collected my thoughts, & myself, after a good cry, many calls to my friends, half a bottle of red wine & a slice of cheesecake. I woke up Thursday thankful - to have met him, spent time with him and moved on. Its funny how you meet people in life - however briefly - that open your eyes to certain aspects of yourself and your life that you, yourself, are overlooking.

Imagine he has an accent.

My Australian showed me what a true gentleman is. He reinforced to me that I am deserving of a kind, chivalrous, intelligent (handsome!) man. He made me feel beautiful, he made me feel comfortable. He was honest with me, he respected me. He made me feel like the only person in the room. And, no, it did not 'work out' with him, whether it was because of time or distance or his own struggles with the return of Saturn, but he pushed me to better myself, educate myself, to read more.

And I deserve that kind of man. A Gentleman. We all deserve this - although we sometimes forget it, or we get too caught up in our own perceived faults to believe it.
My Australian also taught me that I probably don't have it in me to fall for a wanderlust. As I put it in my newly purchased Match.com profile (done in reaction to the last minute weekend trip my Australian took solo to hike the Grand Canyon a week ago - yes, you read that right): I need someone who can balance the road less traveled with the beaten path. Ah, the things that we are taught by this strange world of dating.
But you know what else? I should have called him more. I shouldn't have worried so much about whether or not I was just a girl the pass the time with. I shouldn't have worried so much in general. Either way, it still wouldn't have worked, but going forward I'm going to try to relax a little, not repeat the same mistakes.
Even while I was worrying and over thinking and not calling, I had continued to repeat to myself:

I was happy before.
I am happy now.
And it doesn't work out, I'll be happy again.
I was right, I am happy now. And better for it.

And so my last words to the Australian
(sent via text about a half hour after our goodbye):

Thank you for being such a gentleman, Mr. Scott.

And his quick response:

Ah, Ms. K' It makes me sad to think of not seeing you. I'll call you in august to see how clown college is going.

I then deleted our (fantastic) text thread, along with his contact information. I won't hold my breath on the call, but you know what? The clown college remark, that was his last little push. I'm keeping it's meaning for myself, for now, but its just another reason I am grateful to have met him.

And now, moving on... Moving forward.