Shhhhhh.

I have a secret. 

No no no, I'm not getting married. 
I have a Secret Wedding pin board on Pinterest*. 
I'm so Ashamed. 

*Yes, I'm talking about Pinterest, like its a 'real thing'.

 Because it is. 

And I'm a smug Pinner too - like, 

'Whatever bitches, I actually do the stuff I pin.'

Take note, I also have an entire board devoted to shoes.

Smugly pinned, I promise. 

Actually, its quite fun, because my Baby Sister can pin to it as well, & I'm in love with how well she knows my taste. Funny story actually. When she first started pinning to my Not Too Secret Board, she randomly pinned a dress by a Southern California designer that I like, Stone_Cold_Fox. I have a few pieces from their collections already, but she didn't know that. She just thought I would like the dress. Not only did I like the dress, I had actually inquired about that specific gown a long long time ago, in my past life, when I thought I was maybe/one day/perhaps/someday going to marry the Ex of 5 Years.  I had already once thought, 

That should be my wedding dress.

What are the odds?

Oh ho ho, it gets a bit weirder. (Why I wrote 'oh ho ho' is beyond me, but I'm leaving it, though I have never once said that outloud*.)

*I hope.

Fast forward a couple days, and one of my old shopgirl cohorts is sitting pretty at my dining room table, drinking a glass of chardonnay while we're collecting all of her ideas together for her own upcoming nuptials. 

I quickly let her in on my Secret and show her the dress that my Baby Sister had pinned - she's quite familiar with the designer herself.

My strawberry blonde Bride looks at the photo & laughs,

'Oh! I took that photo.' 

My Baby Sister blindly pinned a dress from her couch in Oakland, a dress that I pined for in Long Beach many years ago, a dress from a collection photographed by my dear friend in Dana Point.

Kooky, no?

Cue, Its a smaaaallll world after all!

So there you have it. 
I have a secret wedding board.
I've become my own cliche. 
Ah well, we all have our lame-o hypocrisies.

I waaannnntt tooo maaarryyy yoouuu.

You know what bothers me though? 
Is how much it used to piss me off when people would say, in response to my I Don't Ever Want To Get Married!s, that when I found the One, I'd change my mind. 
It was so... Ah, I don't know the word, not condescending but kind of condescending (what's the word for that?) and I hated it and would get defensive (even though I wanted them to be right) and they were (right), which means I was wrong, which is not an easy thing for me to admit. 

I was wrong!  

All You People were right! 

It probably also means that whomever it was I was dating at the time of shouting that nonsense from the rooftops, I didn't ever want to marry them. 
So instead of thinking, 

'Well shit. I should break up with this person who I don't want to make a lifelong commitment to', 

I just said, 

Eh, I don't want to make a lifelongcommitenttoYOU  ever get married'   

And continued dating them. Probably because I thought I didn't want to get married.

So, my sister has amazing taste. S'riously. 

And I can't keep a secret from Jim, I told him about the Secret Wedding Board too, because I had to tell him about the weirdness of the SCF dress. 
So, he knows I am a weirdo. 
What he doesn't know is that sometimes when he's sleeping a stare at him and think 'I waaaaannnttt ttoooo maaaarrrrrryy yoooouuuuu'. 

Let's not tell him that part. 
Its not relevant to the story. 

Unless I'm telling a story about what a creepy girlfriend I am. (Actually, I think that is exactly the story I'm telling.)



So. I'm a creep. 
A Creep with a  Secret PinBoard Wedding Creepy Creeper. 
And that makes me happy.


Sidenotes:
See more of my strawberry blonde Bride's photos Here. 
(She also did the panoramic shot that has always sat atop this little project.)

And follow my Pinterest Here if you're so inclined. 
(But not my Secret Board, entitled 'Creeper' obviously).