Mirror, Mirror. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Do you ever feel like when you have a boyfriend, you get uglier? My earthy, hipster Littlest Sister asked me this morning.

I agreed, enthusiastically. She is home from Grad School and in a long distance relationship.

Yeah, she continued, I've been with my boyfriend for a week straight, and when I got into California I was skinny, my highlights looked amazing, and my skin was clear. Now, I've put on weight, my roots came in and his beard is making me break out.

The mirror did not give me
the answer I wanted.
F U MirrorMirror.

I replied, referring to the fact that I will be in Family Land for the holiday weekend,

Yes! Just this morning I was looking in the mirror thinking,

Those bitches better not plan on taking photographs.*

*We are nothing if not a vain trio of sisters.

With my jeans a bit snug, my skin snow white & stress level up to eleven, I looked in the mirror, mirror on the wall (or up against it) this morning,

and though I was never the fairest of them all, 

I saw a very very Blaaaaahhhh girl staring back at me. 

Aaaaand, it hit me.

I have a serious case of the Boyfriend Blahs.

Nowdon'tgetmewrong, Apt F is... Fine. He's caring and sweet, and very stressed out. And it's not like my life has changed too much since we got together other than having him sleeping next to me everysinglenight.

I still schmooze on patios with my girlfriends, have whole days spent carousing with my friends, and basically do my own thing (or at least the 'winterized version' of it), but I am... for lack of a better word: Bored. Capital B.

LET'S MIX IT UP A BIT.
Capital EVERYTHING.

I care about him (a lot about him), we're friends, I like his company, and all that...
Buuuuuuuuuuuuut............

I think he's bored too. I mean, we're both pretty even keeled people, both a balance of introvert and extrovert, both smart, both broke. And maybe it's just contentment, or maybe we both have too much going on in our stressful little hand-to-mouth lives for any excitement; so when we are together we can just decompress. (Actually, I think that's exactly how he sees it.)

We don't fight, we get along great but we don't have Electricity.

I may not want Drama, per se...
But is Excitement too much to ask for?

We're like that light switch you always keep on, but only because you don't know what it's actually a switch for. And I know, I know (Bijou, I'm talking to you) that it's not always going to be Like the Commercials, but what the hell happened to my f'ing Paper Planes?!? My Windmills?

I am finding that I am missing dating, missing the possibility of Electricity.

The Spark!

Missing! Sparkle.
Reward if Found.

I don't feel like I Sparkle any more. I'm stressed and feel puffy, and I don't have the excitement of singledom to distract me. Instead, I have a boyfriend who is stressed out & puffy too. That, and we don't have a ton to tallk about; as we have moved passed telling eachother the anecdotes of our lives and now interact with eachother like a somewhat bored married couple. Going through the motions, taking the motions for granted. And Apt F may be content with us, and he is more stable than he was at our start, but the reality is, we both have gotten a bit complacent and kind of stagnant. That whole 'progressing forward as a couple' thing... If this is that, I don't know if that is what I want.

Gone are the 'You're brilliants' & the 'You're beautifuls'.

Now, it's all 'What do you want to do for dinner?' or 'Do you have any cash?'

Part of me suspects he feels the same way, content & willing to be as such through the holidays and then...?

I don't know; I want more.

But you know me, I want it all:

I want to be the belle of the ball,
the fairest of them all,
the Prince not the pauper.