Dating for Dinner



Will someone please hand me a fucking eraser?

I spent 2 hours last Thursday trying to figure out if I had plans this Saturday. I thought I must - otherwise Goldi and I would have plans with one another! I went through all my texts, emails, facebooks and entire call history trying to figure out why I had no plans on Saturday. Goldi and I couldn't believe we had overlooked such an important day of the week. We had.

So, that being said... I've been Dating for Dinners this week. Like, you might say dating has become my full time job & I'm being paid in food. Literally we're talking nothing but dinner and conversation. Hell, kids - this is a recession & I'm being economical over here! Maybe, just maybe, I will meet someone who makes my heart flutter! Most likely, I'll just have a really good steak. Perhaps, both!?! To be honest, scheduling has been a nightmare, especially finding time to fit in the second and third dates & if you asked any of the below Dates about my week, well, I've been quite busy attending fundraisers, birthday dinners & cocktail parties,

A Cocktail Party on a Wednesday???

"Oh yeah, sorry... I already RSVP'd. Why?! I go to cocktail parties on Wednesdays all the time. Don't you? Uh, how about Thursday?

So my 'Dance Card' reads as follows:
Last Sunday: Date 1 with B----.
Last Tuesday: Date with Troubs. Easiest date ever as he is an awesome dork and I adore him. No sparks.
Thursday Afternoon: 38 minute coffee date with The Rager. 38 minutes too long.
Friday: Date 2 with B----, bewildering. Frontrunner. But, he doesn't compare to the Aussie.
Saturday: Much needed Goldilocks & I sushi date.
Sunday: Date 1 with the guy from Ohio. (Accidentally double booked this night with someone else who I am not attracted to but am intellectually stimulated by. Flaked, and have yet to reschedule.) Liked Ohio, but he is no Aussie. (Naturally, as no one would argue with the equation Ohio < Australia, now will they?)
Tomorrow: Possible Date 3 with B----, he wanted to hang Saturday; I declined. Sparks yes, but he is no Aussie.
Tuesday: Date 1 with the 49er. We call him that but he's really only 47. Real potential although he's a bit short. But, he's no... Yeah, you guessed it!
Wednesday: 2nd date with Troubs. I want him to be my best friend. My Guy-BFF 4Ever.

Thursday or Fri: tentative date 2 with the guy from Ohio.

It's as exhausting as it looks. (I know! As my mom would say, Solid Gold Problems...) 

But I am starting to see a pattern... I am comparing everyone to My Aussie.
(I'm assuming you noticed.)

...& no one compares.

I probably need to take a break from dating for a bit to get over My Aussie. (That'll have to be next week.)

I am beginning to realize I didn't fully allow the feelings that came along with the break up to process & now I am meeting other guys & all I see, hear and feel is that these other guys aren't... Him. They aren't Jesse.

In reality, I am weighed down by the idea that I wasn't this or I wasn't that...

I'm sad that I couldn't be everything for someone I respected and adored so much. Granted, I have started to see my Aussie through rose-colored glasses, and have to remind myself that I struggled while we were seeing eachother as he was not perfect either. He wasn't there and he wasn't ready. But we had something that I am not finding in this forced world of dating I've been over-scheduling for myself. And you know what they say about finding something when you're not looking for it. I wasn't looking for him; I was looking to 'practice date'. I was looking to see what - if anything - was out there.

I may have replaced  my Australian with being fed by cute boys who think I'm pretty.

But hey! This is a learning process! I'm learning!
(And hopefully, soon, I'll stop talking about that damn Australian.)