Goldie Hawn
my Dutchman
my best friend in San Francisco
Jane Birkin
Sean Penn
Ooh this is fun! I love this game! Six People Living or Dead to have your Dream Dinner Party with! Or brunch, whichever. The possibilities are endless! Think of the conversation... Imagine Goldie after an couple of glasses of champagne! My Dutchman being quizzed by Tim Gunn about fashion in the Netherlands - the popped collars, the footwear. Sean Penn blantantly flirting both Jane and my best friend. And me, sitting back, hand in hand with Holland and talking about my mother with Goldie, "You know you two had the same seventh grade teacher..."
I mean I could say to you, It was surreal... I had this dream last night where me, Goldie Hawn, Tim Gunn, and you were there and he was there and we were on a patio...
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| Sean, can you please pass the pepper? |
Yesterday I was sitting inside at a very familiar restaurant with Beauty - one where I know most of the waitresses by name (probably because they're all named Megan) and the owner as well. His name is not Megan. Break Up Brunch, Round 2. We were seated right next to the door, with a veiw of the patio, and enjoying guava mimosas and reccounting the night before - We had gone out together so I could drown my sorrows a little (or a lot). I'm a little (okay, a lot) heartbroken over the break up with the Dutchman, but it was something that needed to happen. So, at brunch, I see an old aquaintance of mine seating herself on the patio & I go over to say hi - we had seen eachother the night before and both looked (and felt) a bit bedraggled, we exchange pleasantries but I feel like she's giving me kind of a weird look. I follow her gaze - and BOOM. Sitting himself down next to her is...
My Secret Ex-Boyfriend.
Handsome and floppy haired - I have not seen him in six monthes or more. We do not say hello. We do not meet eyes. He plans his trips to the rest room (as he would have to walk right by my table) for when I go smoke. Longstoryshort; he was who I dated immediately (and secretly) after I broke up with me Ex. It was quite the stealth operation. We lied to our friends, hid our relationship, went out on dates where we were sure not to be spotted. He was never - technically speaking - my boyfriend, but we did have wonderful nights together, walking the beach & talking. Over the course of our three month long clandestine affair, his mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was a rough time for both of us, and I deeply felt for him. I found him both brutish and brilliant; I do think he cared about me, but certainly not to the extent I cared for him. He's actually kind of a notorious playboy one town over but rarely meanders over to my tiny town; he sticks mostly to his. So, monthes went by, no one found out and I tried another shortlived stab at a relationship with my Ex and we all moved on. But then somehow, it gets out that my SEB and I dated. I find out through Bijou that it's now public knowledge and by the fact my SEB leaves several Whatthefuck!? voicemails on my phone. To this day, my SEB's best friend very much dislikes me because of the uncomfortable position I put him in because he is also best friend's with my Ex. (Obviously, this was not my moral prime.) I don't know the status of my SEB and Ex's friendship, but considering I may have accidently told my Ex about the first kiss while sleep-talking right after we broke but but still lived together, I do not believe that they are friends either.
These are not people I would invite to my Dream Dinner-Party or Brunch; but my morning started to feel like a dream. Perhaps it was the champagne.
So, if you're following this: I broke up with my Dutchman Friday & by Saturday I am sitting uncomfortably close to a man who broke my heart justalittle and his best friend who hates me. Well, I am sitting uncomfortably close to two men who reallyreally do not like me. More people I recognize trickle into the restaurant - all part of this same crowd of locals. Oh no. I call my best friend in San Francisco, and tell her who is there - sitting and laughing right out of veiw. She asks if my Ex is there too, and I say No, but I'm just waiting for him to walk in. Right as I am getting comfortable with the awkward yet benign situation; I see another group walk up in the window. BOOM. My stomach dropsflipsturns.
Yes, there he is. I had been waiting for it - I had been feeling like it was overdue, I mean even my Dutchman had seen him!
There he is. My real Ex boyfriend. New girlfriend & un-friended on facebook sister in tow.
Last night I had a dream that I was grabbing a drink and my Ex, my SEB, their best friend, his sister and his new girlfriend (who he went to high school with and I always suspected they had a thing for one another - she's a divorcee with a bad nose job*), that one guy who accused me of being bipolar and I were all there.
*I know, that was low. I'm sure she's very nice.
He'll probably marry her.
It just seems too unreal. But it's a tiny town, and we are all roaming the same main drag.But still.
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| why, yes, these are the smallest size they make, thank you for asking. |
But it is not a dream. It is a nightmare. My unwelcome BB:R2 has become a hilarious - yet still unwelcome - nightmare.
Imeanreally? Really? Who is walking in next? The Aussie? Nothing would shock me.
This is the worst Dream Dinner Party (or Brunch) ever. Although, I will say I have never been happier that I was wearing my skinniest of skinny jeans and had actually blow dried my hair.
There was no hello, my Ex could not even look me in the eye. My SEB, that's a whole other deal, that was a couple monthes but my Ex-Boyfriend of 5 years could not even manage a wave. I stayed put though - well actually, Beauty and I popped around to a couple tables, champagne in hand. It was basically the most ridicuous collection of EverySinglePersonIDoNotWantToSee the day after I break up with my boyfriend. A parade of Ex's, a patio filled with people I have poured my heart out to. I refused to leave the restaurant before them, it would have let them win in my head.
It's my tiny town too, godammnit.
And seriously, I couldn't have been the only uncomfortable one in the restaurant.
The good news is - I'm friends with his sister again on facebook.
Sidenotes: I am so sad about breaking up with my Dutchman, but in the same breathe I will say that it has taken a weight off my heart. I will always care for him; he is a good man & hopefully although it might seem impossible, hopefully - if the stars align - we can try again sometime in the future; I just can't hold my breathe hoping for that. It was too much.
More on that later.
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