Algebra 101 at 320 Main.

949: Know anything about the Butterfly Effect?

Me: Yes. Why? Exactly what kind of taco are you eating!?!

949: I just didn't know a girl in your tiny town could say something so cute and affect the stomach of a guy in Newport. Not sure how the physics work.

Me: That's less quantum physics and more of a physical reaction. Just sayin'.*

949: Definitely need to set up something soon before the space/time continuum gets all jacked.

Me: Or Ashton Kutcher gets involved.

*This girl may or may not have given butterflies to someone much farther away than Newport Beach. Just sayin'.

So, at the threat of messing with Chaos Theory, we made a date.
That date being Friday Night. As in, last night.

For the first time, in a long time, I had a promising date with an American. Gasp! I mean, B---- was an American man, but gave off a total Zippy-German vibe - between the black velvet blazers, stoic air about him & the black BMW two seater, he was quite the unAmerican American. This was a first date with an OC-native, rugby playing, iron pumping Man's Man. So, in light of it being a First Date with a New Guy lets do some New Math. Left Brainers rejoice! Now, if I wrote down on paper the mathematical formula for a first date it would read something like:

f+m/(longitude &latitude)= x.

And you thought algebra would never come in handy.



With x always being the outcome of the date - or the dependent variable in the formula, with the other variables f, m, and longitude & latitude being the independent variables as they can take on different values freely - they can be any  female (f), male (m) & any longitude and latitude - er, location. (This is the straight version mind you, the formula can be tweaked further for same sex couples. Aaah, you get the idea.)

Our independent variables for this first date are: 

USA! USA? USA!

 f = Me! Well, me after a day of primping, hair trimming, self tanning, nail painting and one panicked call to Bijjou where I screamed, fuckfuckfuck I bleached my gums and have to cancel!

m = Him! An impressively statured Man's Man who could work tacos, quantum physics, and Texts From Last Night into twenty minutes of conversation. But this Man's Man was also a gentleman, one who stood up when I excused myself to the restroom, and pulled out my chair for me when appropriate. One who also told a joke about amniotic fluid.

(longitude & latitude) = A booth my favorite dimly lit restaurant one town over followed by an impromtu visit to a little wine bar down the street.

So in last night's case, my very scientific and mathematically sound
Quantified First Date Formula would read:

Girl's Girl + Man's Man/ (chophouse & wine bar) = x.

And... after several hours of stimulating conversation - errrr, I mean, several hours of intense mathematical conversion - and a few flights of Chilean wine and some delicious Manchengo cheese (and some not so delicious pork belly appetizers)... We had arrived at our answer:

x = xoxo

  

He ended the date with, I am frighteningly attracted to you.
Which ain't such a bad thing ifyouaskme.

So, in Layman's terms, it went preettttty fantastic. After I returned home, I recieved a text message from him that read,

Thank you for the bookend to my worst date ever. Let me know you got home safe.

Now all I have to do is figure out the formula for x²