Under the Big Top.

...I kind of want you all to myself. FYI: this is me playing hard to get, super suck at it.

Uh oh, I thought, when I received that text last night right before I was heading to bed.

If our lives  are like a Circus - I know mine is most of the time - then relationships are the like trapeze duo, your family and friends are the clowns and dating is... the heart pounding, nerve wracking Tightrope Act. In the first days of courting, it's like a delicate balancing act of dynamics, of timing, chemistry, chemistry and timing - it can take something as little as one off the cuff statement, small aspect of your personality or weird facial expression, and you lose your footing - You fall off. Or they do.




Life is the Greatest Show on Earth.



So, ladiesandgentlemen... Last night was my Second Date with the Man's Man - and he's great. We have the same sense of humor and a nice rapport. We actually say things in unison, we have the same random reference points. Often, we text each other the same exact thing at the same time.

The top text was actually followed by: "Good Night. Capital G."

He even writes like me!

Okay, the above text actually read: "Good Night Luv. Capital G".

Sway to the right.

Last night, on a beautiful candle lit patio, he was a perfect gentleman. Steady now.


steady? no.

Yet all I could hear was the FutureTalk. (As in, 'I would love to go to New Orleans with you' or 'I don't expect I'll be going on first dates' and 'from here on out' or 'next time' or 'in the future' or 'in the future' or 'in the future'...) Whoa whoa whoa buddy. Sway to the left. Now, admittedly, I can be a little hot and cold when it comes to dating - I either know right away that The Spark is there or I know it's not. I try and give some people the benefit of the doubt - I've more than once told myself, Well, maybe it's just a slow build --- And they're so nice, and sweet, I'll just give them a chance. The problem is, if it isn't there initially, it never develops - for me at least. I've never had a relationship with someone I was platonic friends with at first & I've never fallen for someone who didn't make my stomach do backflips at first sight or at the very least, first kiss. And I do like him, but... yeahnotsomuch.
When I met my Dutchman, that very first night when he said to me, 'I'm going to fall in Love with you in the next two days aren't I?' I didn't panic. I simply said 'Yes.' But last night when the Man's Man implied that he didn't forsee himself going on any more first dates, I shuttered. Which is prettttty indicative of how I feel about him, dontchathink?
Insert: gasping audience at extremely wobbly tightrope walker.
The way he looked at me from across that candle lit table last night is exactly how I imagine I probably looked at my Aussie on our second date, when I was thinking to myself, If this man is who he presents himself to be, then I could very easily fall in love with him.
Last night I was not looking at the Man's Man with those eyes. I was looking at him, having a very nice time and thinking, "You should have listened to your cousin when she told you to at least attempt to play a little hard to get."
It just isn't under this circus tent.
You know the feeling...
That dizzying yet beautiful moment at the end of the tightrope walk where you look down to Earth, your heart flutters and you realize you've made it safely to the other side?
I have to be honest with myself... I don't think that my Man's Man is going to make it there on this try.
Hopefully his tightrope came equipped with a safety net.
Mine did.

Sidenotes: I may go on one more date with him, not sure. I do like him, it's just apparent to me that the amount of 'liking' happening is unbalanced.
We'll see. Regardless, it's a good thing I've got my clowns.

Updated: Upon further reflection, I have come to a conclusion about why the Spark isn't there with the Man's Man -- He is basically the boy version of me. If I pumped iron. Its like sitting across from a brother. Which is nice, buuuut I'm not looking to date my brother. Thank God, because that would be weird.