A Case of the Mondays.

And the Tuesdays.
And the Wednesdays.
And the Thursdays.
You get the idea.

(Okay to be fair, it's almost never Mondays.)



night after night, we march.

 I've been plagued the past week by total and utter unmotivation. Why? Because I have been lulled into a nonrelationship Relationship with Apt F. We had a conversation this past Sunday about us both liking 'the way things are the way they are' - which to be honest, is true. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend, there is very little 'checking in' with one another, and he doesn't get in the way of me spending time with my beloved girlfriends. Ever.
Yet night after night, one of us marches up - or down - the staircase & we somehow end up together. This has been the case since right around the time I sprained my ankle - which will be two weeks tomorrow. Literally, he has been in my apartment near everyday for two weeks. And, to be fair, I still have an eye out for someone else who 'fits' better what I am looking for; yet, I don't have a ton of motivation to actually find them because - well, for one - I have a near perfect nonrelationship that asks very little of me other than to just be myself, and second, I don't know if I really want more than that. Apt F & I watch movies, he allows me control over the remote; we talk about our days, our friends, & our past experiences.
Apt F is kind & caring, and he and I make great friends; honestly, he may be the only person I have ever (not)dated that I have ever actually been Friends with, Capital F.
I mean forGodsakes, when I woke up at 1 am Tuesday night with near-projectile vomiting in my tiny little room with a kitchen attached (and a small bathroom situated less than twelve feet from my bed) not only did I wake him up & worry him, he cared for me that night & the following night as well. Oh! The glamour!
Kat Moss favors him to me. Though to be fair to her, after I expressed this to them both, I woke up in the middle of the night to find her sleeping not on him, but neatly in between us - as we were back to back & was she nestled in the crux between us two.
My feelings for him... I feel like I have been with him forever. He has seen me in gray sweatpants, he has seen me post-puke, and he has seen me in the morning post-puke & still wearing gray sweatpants.
I have had several very attractive men email me (as I am back online dating) but have I responded? No.
Is this because I truly care for Apt F?
Or because it is easy & effortless with him?
Or is that how it is supposed to be?
Or am I lulled into easy & effortless because I don't want anything that demands anything else of me right now?
Do I see myself with him in the future? No.
Would it be the worst thing? No. But it isn't what I see for myself.

I guess my quest for the Spark, and my quest for whatever else it is I don't know that I am looking for has been temporarily put on pause while Apt F has taken up temporary residence in Apt C.

What are we doing? has never been asked. And I doubt it ever will be.
But, how long can We do this for?

Sidesnotes: I found my Halloween costume. And it is quite the Rebel Ballerina ifyaknowhatImean.